So I'm still living with my mom in this one bedroom apartment. We attend my 2nd cousins rehersal dinner for his wedding. He was marrying a girl almost twice his age. Her son was 2 years younger than me and my mom and his mom were trying to get us together. When I first met him he had long hair and I didn't find him attractive at all. The next day (the wedding day) I had to do a double take when he walked in, he had cut all his hair off.
At the reception we sorta danced closer into each other. We talked and exchanged phone numbers. He came to pick me up the next day for our first date. We lived 40 mins away from each other. He arrived on his motorcycle. Well after our first date, we were in love. We were with each other every day.
Well 3 years into our on again off again relationship. I found out I was pregnant, on my 20th birthday.
I was scared but happy. We decided to keep the baby and get married that October.
Well a week later he stayed out all night and never came home.At 4am he finally called and told me that he could do what he wanted and he didn't have to call me and let me know what was going on. So what did i do? I put his shit out and changed the locks (yes at 4am)
I didn't hear from him again until 20 weeks pregnant ultrasound day, found out it was a girl. Mom and I was so happy. Called his mom and told her it was a girl. He called me and said " are you sure it's a girl, what's the likelyhood of it being correct?" He wanted a boy. What a jerk.
So the day came, Sunday, March 17, 1997, I was feeling bad that day and knew something was up. I was 37 weeks along. Went to the hospital dilated to 5. Walked for about an hour then things went fast. 4 hours later i was pushing. At 12:26am on Monday, March 18, 1997, my beautiful baby girl was born, 6 lbs and 13 ounces, 19 1/2 inches long. She was perfect. Her dad was there to cut the cord and hold her. He visited the next day for about an hour. Then seen her a few times in the next 2 years. When she was almost 2, he wanted to get back together. I was hesitant because of what happend in the past.
I was wanting to take things slow, to let him prove to me that he had changed. My mom found out that I was even talking to him on the phone and she flipped out. (my mom and I were living together at the time so she could help me) She said that if i talked to him or let him see his daughter, I would have to move. So I moved my daughter and I out and into his mothers house. Things were going good. He proposed to me one day at work and we planned a wedding in one month. Well 2 weeks before our wedding date, we found out we were pregnant with our 2nd child. I was so scared. Our wedding day came and went. We were now married with one kid and one on the way and living with his mom. Things were pretty good. We got into an argument one night and I threatend to leave him. Well his temper (that I never seen before) came out. He put a hole in his moms door and picked up the coffee table and threw it across the room and broke it. I ran upstairs to get my stuff. He came up behind me and while I was holding our 2 year old daughter and also 5 months pregnant with our son, he put his hands around my neck and choked me until I almost passed out, then threw me on the bed. He refused to let me leave the room. I was screaming for his mom to come help me. She came in and told him he needed to calm down. He sleeped downstairs and I slept upstairs with the door locked. The next day he apologized and promised he would never do it again. What was I supposed to do, we just got married and I had no where to go.
We finally saved up enough to get our own place. We moved into a 2 bedroom apartment. Things were great. He worked as a lumper and I was a stay at home mom. On Monday, January 4, 2000 I woke up at 8am in pain. Took a shower and hopped into the car. Arrived at the hospital dilated to 7 already. Things were going fast. Had our son at 11:26am. The delivery was scarry, the babies heart rate went down and they shot me up with drugs and they had to put a suction cup on his head to get him out quick. I thought I was dying. His poor head looked awful where thee suction cup was. (he is now 11 years old and you can still see where the cup was)
The next day in the hospital, I was to have my tubs tied. They wheeled me down to labor and delivery to have me prepped for surgery and get an epidural. I was alone cause the father was sleeping in the room they took me from. The anestheiologist came in to give me the epidural and he broke the glass vial in his hand and blood was everywhere. I told him to leave me alone. That was the 1st time I ever had a panic attack. Needless to say I didn't get my tubes tied. I seen that as a sign.
After bringing our son home, things changed, i changed. I felt real depressed and didn't feel quite the same. At nights I didn't want my husband to leave for work cause I would be alone and I was afraid something was going to happen to me and no one would be there. I began to have panic attacks. Just leaving the house and going to wal-mart would give me a panic attack. I became a hermit and didn't want to go anywhere. My mom made me go to the doctor. He told me that everything was fine and that I probably needed to see a shrink. Well my mom took me to a female doctor and she knew just what to do. She put me on Zoloft, a depression medication. As the weeks went by things started getting better and I was happy and somewhat panic attack free. Life was good.
I was cleaning out the car one day and found a huge bag of weed in the center console. I was so pissed that I had my kids in that car and I could of been pulled over and charged for that and my kids could of been taken away, that I threw the whole bag in the dumpster. Well the maintance man must of been watching me cause as soon as i threw it in the dumpster, he jumped in to get it. So when my husband at the time, went to get in the car to go to work, he was mad and wanted to know where his weed was. After me telling him what I did, he hit me, closed fist, across my face. I was dumbfounded. I called the cops and of course he was gone before they got there. No charges were filed cause he was already gone and I didn't go the next day to file charges. (let's face it, I had 2 kids, no job and no where to go)
So he apologized and things went back to normal. After living in the apartments for a year, we started to look at houses. We had a 3 bedroom house build from the ground up. Barly qualified for it, even had to do sweat equity. 3 months later we moved into our brand new beautiful house. Life was good.
About 2 years later we were at home, my husband had been drinking all day watching football. He wanted to take the family out to dinner. Great! I got the kids ready and went to get in the car. He jumped in the driver seat. I was like no, you've been drinking all day. He said "well either I drive or we don't go" I said well we won't go. He got out of the driver seat and i decided that the kids and I would go out to eat, they were hungry. He grabbed the car door open and tried to grab my purse that wsa attached to my shoulder. When I didn't let it go, he balled his fist up and hit me across my jaw. Still to this day my jaw hurts. I called the cops and they passed him coming in. The said that they didn't want to damage their car chasing him (we lived on a gravel road at the time) WTH, were was the justice. They took a report and told me I would have to go downtown tomorrow and file a report. Well he came home the next morning and was very apologettic. What was I to do? 2 kids, new house ( i have never lived in a house, always apartments) and no job and no place to run. Let's face it, I was stuck. The physical abuse was sparatic but the mental abuse was almost always.
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